Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
