Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
