Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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