She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
