I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
