I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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