We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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