Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
