did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
