I just cut my nipple shaving
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
