I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
