Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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