imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
