Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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