he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
