I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
