Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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