My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In other news, I just burned my penis
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
