lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
