I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Send help, water and tortillas.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize