rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
