I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
