I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
