Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize