I hope my margaritas pass through security.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
