Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
