Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
