A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
