dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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