then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
