i think i have herpe
just one?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
