haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
