I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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