But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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