did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
