you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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