We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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