i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
