"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
