need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
