Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
