So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
