I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
