I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize