Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
