fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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