I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
