New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
