she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
