If that was your dad, he is hot
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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