South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize