I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
