just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
