Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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