Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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