I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
