And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
