guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
