so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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