i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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