I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
