The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
