I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
