So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
love makes seman taste better
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
