Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
