Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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