she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
