We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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